Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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