Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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