i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize