Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize