3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
