Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
