so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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