I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
