Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
