I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize