My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
