Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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