saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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