He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
