I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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