I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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