im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
