my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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