i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
