I just saw a hot homeless man
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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