4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
