Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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