i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
