She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
