Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
