we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize