doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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