omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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