Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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