i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
