Already got asked if we're dating
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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