I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
