No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize