Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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