I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
