dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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