my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
