I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
