omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
