He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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