I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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