ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
