i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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