i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
