You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
