So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
