I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
