Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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