Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
