yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
