Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
