Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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