i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
