ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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