if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
