apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
