maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
