Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
