He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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