I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
