Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
