Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
