my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
