His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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