She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
