I just cut my nipple shaving
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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