We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
