Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize