Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
