so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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