Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
