yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
