...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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