Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
