you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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