The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
