I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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