so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize