she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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