You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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