Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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