my mouth tastes like poor choices
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
