Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
