I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
