good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
