god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
