How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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