Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
