Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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