I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
