We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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