I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
