I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
