Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
