I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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