Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
