At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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